The Case of the Missing Monocle/Transcript
This is an episode transcript for The Case of the Missing Monocle. Transcript (Scene opens with Mayor Archibald and Bob in the town center. Mayor Archibald is pacing frantically.) Archibald: This is terrible! What am I going to do?! I've lost my monocle, today of all days! The Tom Celeriac Awards Ceremony starts in ten minutes! How am I supposed to give my speech if I can't see?! (Mayor Archibald falls backwards in stress.) Bob: As Tom Celeriac's biggest fan, I can't let this event get cancelled! You need to find that monocle, which is why I've alerted the greatest detective in town! (Camera pans over to Madame Blueberry.) Bob: (Off-screen) Madame Blueberry! Larry: I'm here too! Madame Clueberry: That's Madame Clue''berry, thank you. And with me is my apprentice, Lawrence the Cucumber. Larry: Hi, Bob! I'm a detective! (Madame Clueberry, holding a pencil and piece of paper, comes up to Bob and Mayor Archibald. Bob is fanning Mayor Archibald with his own piece of paper as she approaches them, then stops when she speaks.) Madame Clueberry: This monocle, describe it to me. Archibald: Well, it's small, round, and made of glass. About the size of my eye. Madame Clueberry: Does this sketch resemble the monocle's general likeness? (Madame Clueberry hands the paper to Mayor Archibald, who looks at it.) Archibald: That's large, square, and made of croissants. (Madame Clueberry takes the paper back from Mayor Archibald.) Madame Clueberry: I have no time for art criticism. Lawrence. (Larry runs up to Madame Clueberry.) Madame Clueberry: We'll take this sketch around and ask questions. Someone out there knows something. Larry: Maybe we should ask him where he went today. We could retrace his steps to see if it fell off. Madame Clueberry: I was about to say... Mr. Mayor, where have you been today? Archibald: I spoke at the school earlier. (She rushes up beside him.) Madame Clueberry: Then to the school we must go! (Mayor Archibald, Madame Clueberry, and Bob get off the steps of the gazebo.) Bob: Mayor, you go with them. I'll stay and keep Mr. Celeriac busy when he arrives. Madame Clueberry: Let's go find that monocle! (Rap-style music starts playing.) Madame Clueberry: (rapping) ''Yo, listen up, Homeslice Madame Clueberry and Larry: (singing) We're the very best at findin' Anything that's hidin' We're A-plus at findin' lost stuff Believe it or not, we're not jivin' Madame Clueberry: (rapping) Yo, our mad skills are required When success is most desired Just like that, we'll get it back When a sock's lost in the dryer Madame Clueberry and Larry: (singing) We're the very best at findin' Anything that's hidin' We're A-plus at findin' lost stuff Believe it or not, we're not jivin' Madame Clueberry: (rapping) As detectives, we're the fastest Cause nothing does get past us'' Lost dogs, lost books, we know where to look To find your keys and glasses It's one of our joys To find lost toys All you gotta do is ask us Larry: (singing) ''We're the very best at findin Madame Clueberry: Uh-huh, uh-huh Larry: (singing) Anything that's hidin' Madame Clueberry: Yo! Larry: (singing) We're A-plus at findin' lost stuff Madame Clueberry and Larry: (singing) Believe it, we're not jivin' (The song ends. Larry and Madame Clueberry drive away with Mayor Archibald, just as Tom Celeriac drives up in his monster truck. Bob approaches the monster truck in amazement.) Tom Celeriac: I'm here for the awards ceremony! (Tom Celeriac jumps out of his monster truck and starts flexing his mustache.) Bob: There's been a slight delay, so I was thinking you could come over to my house and sign all my stuff. (Tom Celeriac is disappointed to hear this. Scene switches to at the school.) Mr. Beanbum: Can you make this quick? I got papers to grade, apples to eat, pencils to sharpen - teacher stuff. Madame Clueberry: Now, Mayor, reenact what you did here. Larry: We should put a placeholder monocle on him. If it falls off, we'll know where he lost the real monocle. We'll need something small and round. Madame Clueberry: Larry, don't get us off track! Archibald: No, he's right. This cookie is about the size of my monocle. Mr. Beanbum: My mother made that cookie. Please be careful with it. (Mayor Archibald puts the cookie on his eye.) Archibald: It fits! Madame Clueberry: Oh! Fine. Continue. Archibald: Today's topic: being a good student. Proverbs 12:15 says, "The way of a fool is right in their own eyes, but the wise heed advice". Madame Clueberry: Student Larry, I hope you're taking notes. Archibald: A good teacher can still learn from their students. Being right in your own eyes leads to blindness. Mr. Beanbum: Like putting cookies in your eyes! Cookies my mom made. (Madame Clueberry inspects Mayor Archibald's face.) Madame Clueberry: It looks like the placeholder monocle hasn't fallen out this entire time. This must not be where he lost his monocle. Where did you go next? Mayor Archibald: To the playground for recess. (Scene switches to Bob's room.) Tom Celeriac: Alright. I've signed your lunchboxes, your pajamas, your fruit snacks from 1985, and your limited edition puffy pants! Anything else? Bob: (chuckling) Well, I was just thinking, you know, since we're sitting around... Tom Celeriac: Yes? Yes, what is it? Bob: I've always wanted to learn how to turn a corner and go up on two wheels in car chases like you! Tom Celeriac: You wanna learn to be like me, eh? (Bob nods rapidly.) Tom Celeriac: Why not? I got nothing else to do. Let's roll, Tomato! (Bob becomes excited.) Bob: This is the best day of my life! (Bob sets his Tom Celeriac collector plate back on the shelf again, then leaves. He quickly comes back and straightens it before leaving again. Scene switches to the playground, where Madame Clueberry and Larry are on the swings. Mayor Archibald gives Larry a push.) Madame Clueberry: So you pushed a few kids on the swing, went down the slide, played tetherball. Is there anything else you did that could have knocked the monocle loose? Archibald: I can't think of- (gets hit by the tetherball and grunts) Oh, yes! (shakes his head) We did play dodgeball. Madame Clueberry: That's it! It was knocked off playing dogeball! Solved! Archibald: Are you sure? I still have no monocle - only a cookie. Mr. Beanbum: (Off-screen) My cookie! Larry: We have to test the theory. (Scene switches to Larry and Madame Clueberry now throwing dodgeballs at Mayor Archibald. He dodges almost all of them, as a few dodgeballs hit him in the face.) Larry: The cookie hasn't moved! Madame Clueberry: But this must be where it fell off! How else could it happen? (Mayor Archibald dodges more dodgeballs.) Archibald: Larry could be right, Madame. My monocle has never been knocked off. (Madame Clueberry looks through her magnifying glass again.) Larry: May I suggest we go to the next place he went? Madame Clueberry: Darling, Larry, leave the detective work to the detectives. Me. May I suggest we go to the next place you went? Archibald: The next place I went was Pa Grape's store. Larry: Perfect! We can check the security tapes to see if Archie was wearing his monocle when he entered Pa Grape's store! Madame Clueberry: Oh, fine! (Scene switches to the town. Bob drives Tom Celeriac's monster truck on two wheels while laughing all the way.) Bob: This is the double-best day of my life! Tom Celeriac: Good drivin'! What do you wanna learn next? Bob: Ooh! I'd love to learn to walk calmly away from explosions while wearing sunglasses in slow-motion! Tom Celeriac: You got it! Bob: Yahoo! (Bob drives the monster truck past Pa Grape's store. Cut to inside the store.) Pa: Here's today's security footage. (Pa turns on the screen and rewinds the footage until stopping on Mayor Archibald, who has his monocle on.) Pa: There he is! Mayor Archibald: I did have my monocle on! Madame Clueberry: Hmm. Why didn't you say so? Larry: Skip forward to see if he still has it on when he leaves. (Pa fast-forwards through the footage, then stops on a shot of Mayor Archibald running towards the door without his monocle on.) Pa: There he goes. No monocle. Larry: You know what this means. Madame Clueberry: The monocle is in the store! (Scene switches to Tom Celeriac talking with Mr. Lunt.) Mr. Lunt: Big explosion, eh? Hmm. I got sliced ham, roller skates, staplers... Bob: None of those things explode. Mr. Lunt: How about a really big balloon? Tom Celeriac: That should work! When it pops, we'll walk away from it, calmly. Bob: Yeah! In slow-motion! Tom Celeriac: (puts on sunglasses) Wearin' these puppies! (gives sunglasses to Bob) Bob: Ho-ho-ho-ho man! (puts on the sunglasses) This is gonna be so cool! (The shadow of the balloon starts looming over Bob and Tom Celeriac. Mr. Lunt is inflating it with a vacuum.) Tom Celeriac: When he said that balloon was really big, he wasn't joking! Mr. Lunt: Get ready for it! Here comes the boom! Oops! (The balloon suddenly slips off the nozzle. It starts whizzing around in the air and knocks into Bob and Tom Celeriac.) Mr. Lunt: That'll be two dollars! When you land! If you land. (Bob and Tom Celeriac fly around in the air on the balloon as it whizzes over Pa Grape's store. Scene switches to back inside the store.) Archibald: Alright, I grabbed a pack of gum, then I stepped on a banana peel. Whoa! I took off right here and landed on a rake. (steps on the rake which hits him in the face) I staggered this way and into a shopping cart. (Mayor Archibald jumps into a shopping cart which then rolls down the aisles.) Archibald: Right here, the cart hit a stack of cans and launched me into a cake! (Mayor Archibald lands face first into a pie on the snack counter.) Madame Clueberry: The monocle must be in the pie! Larry: Didn't he say 'cake'? Archibald: I did! I specifically remember it was definitely a cake, not a pie! Madame Clueberry: Find the cake, find the monocle! Larry: We need cake security footage! Pa: Eh, you won't need it. I know where the cake is. Madame Clueberry: Bring it to us pronto, shop-keep! Pa: I can't. I ate it. All: (gasps) Madame Clueberry: You ate an entire cake?! Pa: I was hungry! Madame Clueberry: So, we followed the Mayor's steps using the placeholder monocle to the classroom into the playground where we deduced that the monocle could not have been lost there. This led us to Pa Grape's store where security footage proved he left here but no monocle. The mayor's face was in a cake just before he left and Pa has admitted to eating that cake. (gasps) Gentlemen, the monocle is inside Pa Grape's tummy! Boom! Case solved! Does anyone know the Heimlich Maneuver? Larry: Wait! Mayor, why didn't you eat any of the cake? You love cake. Madame Clueberry: Larry, please, the case is solved. I know you're learning, but that means we stop investigating? Archibald: I don't love that cake. I'm allergic to the frosting. (A flashback starts up.) Archibald: (V/O) After I wiped my face off, I realized I was running late! (Mayor Archibald starts to run towards the door, but stops, feeling a sneeze coming on.) Archibald: (V/O) I still had some of that frosting in my nose and I began to sneeze! (Mayor Archibald then sneezes, which propels him backwards and crashing off-screen. The flashback ends after that.) Larry: What if the monocle came off when he was sneezing? Madame Clueberry: Pa, I need some of that frosting! (Pa is surprised, but takes the frosting out from under his hat and gives it to Madame Clueberry. Madame Clueberry then pulls Mayor Archibald down to her level and places the frosting on his nose.) Archibald: Ah, ah, ah, ah-choo! (Mayor Archibald sneezes. The cookie flies off his eye and through the air while he flies backwards. The cookie eventually lands in the lobster tank next to a lobster. The lobster holds up Mayor Archibald's monocle while Larry and Madame Clueberry look in the lobster tank.) Larry: The monocle! Madame Clueberry: The monocle! We've found it! Pa: Phew! (Pa dumps out the last of the frosting from his hat and eats it while his back is turned. Mayor Archibald runs up to the lobster tank.) Archibald: Oh, goody, goody! (Mayor Archibald picks up the lobster and tries to take back the monocle, the lobster won't let go.) Archibald: (grunts) Come on! Give it back! Mine! (Scene switches to the town center, where Mayor Archibald is standing before a crowd.) Archibald: And now, thanks to Madame Clueberry and Larry, I may read the speech on which I worked so hard! (Mayor Archibald picks up the lobster still holding his monocle and holds it up to his eye.) Madame Clueberry: Where are Bob and Tom Celeriac? (gasps) (Bob and Tom Celeriac fly past on the balloon, which is still whizzing around in the air.) Tom Celeriac: We're gonna crash! When we do, don't forget to walk away... calmly. Bob: In slow-motion! (Bob and Tom Celeriac put on their sunglasses. Then, they land on the ground while calmly walking away from the balloon in slow-motion as it crashes and explodes behind them . Everyone is surprised as Bob and Tom Celeriac come up to him and Madame Clueberry.) Bob: (chuckles) (Bob and Tom Celeriac then come up to Mayor Archibald.) Archibald: Ahem. And now, the speech. (holds up the lobster holding the monocle) "Mr. Celeriac, I present to you the coveted Excellence in Mustachiness Award! Thank you. End of speech. Hold for applause." (The lobster gives the award to Tom Celeriac while the crowd cheers.) Tom Celeriac: Thanks, Mayor. I want Bob to have this. Bob: (gasps) Tom Celeriac: For he has a mustachiness all his own. For your collection. Bob: (gasps) Thank you! This is the, the, uh, quadruple-best day of my life! Madame Clueberry: A teacher can learn a lot from his or her students if they aren't too wise in their own eyes. Good job today, Larry. You may be my assistant on any case. Larry: (gasps) You mean it?! (Madame Clueberry's phone starts ringing.) Madame Clueberry: My detective phone! But where is it?! Another case to solve! (Madame Clueberry starts looking for her phone. When she walks offscreen, Larry looks down and sees the phone lying in front of him.) Madame Clueberry: Phone? Oh, what's this? (Larry makes a confused face before the screen goes dark, ending the episode.)Category:Transcripts Category:VeggieTales in the House transcripts Category:Finished Transcripts